TESTIMONY. Fraidy Reiss: "The United States must ban child marriage"

Fraidy Reiss: In New York, in a Jewish Orthodox family where it is customary for parents to start arranging the marriage of their children while they are still minors. What happened to my two older sisters was repeated to me. My parents resorted to a matchmaker, who suggested to them a three-year-old stranger my oldest: I met him only at the end of 1994, three months before the ceremony, and a few times in the weeks that followed. It was obviously not enough to know who he was, especially since he took care to present himself at his best and we were never found alone in the same room.

What memories do you have of the wedding ceremony that took place on January 1, 1995?

You know, I remember being happy. I did what I was prepared for. My biggest fear has always been that the matchmaker can not find anyone for me … In the community, girls who were not married before age 20 were sidelined, singled out and promised a life of loneliness !

How long has your "happiness" lasted?

One week. The time it took for my husband to show his true face. That of a brutal man, crazy … He got angry for no reason, hit the walls and started breaking everything in the apartment. He was uncontrollable. A few days later, he threatened for the first time to kill me. He took pleasure in describing to me how he would kill me. I was terrified.

Unfortunately, you understood too late what a threat it represented …

He threatened me continually and his anger paralyzed me. We lived near my parents' home, so I asked them for help. I was so young, I did not know what to do. But they said, "Is he beating you?" I said "no", so they said, "He's young, he'll grow up, be kinder to him". I stayed because in the community to which I belonged, the divorce could only be requested by the husband or the family of the bride. I did not have an account or credit card. So I had to stay with my husband and accept sex, even though he had spent the day threatening me with death. My first daughter was born eleven months after our marriage, which lasted fifteen years.

What was the trigger that allowed you to leave despite this man?

At 27, I realized that one day he was going to kill me, that I had to save myself, my daughters and me. And that would go through financial independence. So I went to university, to train myself. And twelve years after our marriage, at 31, I left. That day, in the eyes of my family, I died.

In 2011, you created a non-profit association.

It took me years to extricate myself from a forced, violent marriage. To find a trade, get a loan to move into a small house and put my children away. Some have not had a chance and are still trapped. It was for them that I created Unchained at Last, to help them escape and rebuild.

You can help a woman escape if she is of age. In the United States, there are hundreds of thousands of children forcibly married …

It is true. According to the study conducted over the 2000-2010 decade, 248,000 children were forcibly married, mostly to adults. In 2011, half of the US states did not impose a minimum age for the bride. And in the other States, derogations permitted the marriage of minors. Clearly, an 11 year old girl could be married by force without any judge finds fault. They are still thousands every year. The US must end these archaic laws. Forced marriages must stop, whether the bride is under 18 or not.

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